[text_output]*This post was written by guest contributor Lee Borden. You can follow Lee on his brand new Twitter account @LeeDawg4, or interact with him on Reddit at u/LeeDawg24*[/text_output][text_output]In 2005, The Office took the TV world by storm. We laughed, cried, lived and learned as the often dysfunctional staff of Dunder-Mifflin Scranton struggled to make a living. Truly the greatest sitcom of the 2000s, The Office has had a resounding impact on culture since its debut; and in a recent listener mailbag episode, Ryan and Greg were posed with a question that has puzzled philosophers for over a decade:

If the Office were cast members of the Rangers organization, who would play which character?

I cannot pretend that there is a single true answer to this, the pinnacle of all sports-team-and-popular-sitcom related questions. However, after spending many sleepless nights laboring for an answer, I have arrived at the below cast of characters.

Disclaimer: I decided to narrow my scope to regular characters of the show, who were cast members for multiple seasons. If your favorite character didn’t make the list, then you should question why they were your favorite in the first place.[/text_output][image type=”thumbnail” float=”none” src=”2790″ alt=”” href=”” title=”” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”aligncenter” style=””][custom_headline type=”left” level=”h5″ looks_like=”h5″ accent=”true” id=”” class=”” style=””]Michael Scott: Glen Sather [/custom_headline][text_output]The main man, the head honcho, the boss. The world’s greatest boss, in fact. As seen in the Michael Scott Paper Company arc, Michael is a hell of a salesman. This excellent sales acumen led to him receiving the regional manager position with Dunder Mifflin, a position he is woefully inept at. From the cultural sensitivity project in the pilot episode, to the insistence on retaining the lecherous Todd Packer, Michael’s mistakes cast a shadow over the workplace. However, his experience and the fact that he pours love into every member of the staff (except Toby) means that ultimately, everyone still respects him.

Sather is much the same. It doesn’t matter that he had two guys named Gretzky and Messier in their primes, the fact is that coaching 4 Stanley Cup winners in 5 years means he’s earned the respect of literally everyone in the sport. Yes, he’s got a spotty draft record in the first round over the years, but he still found gems like Henrik Lundqvist and Mats Zuccarello. He is the foundation of the Rangers organization, just like Michael Gary Scott is for Dunder Mifflin.[/text_output][image type=”thumbnail” float=”none” src=”2791″ alt=”” href=”” title=”” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”aligncenter” style=””][custom_headline type=”left” level=”h5″ looks_like=”h5″ accent=”true” id=”” class=”” style=””]Jim Halpert: Jeff Gorton[/custom_headline][text_output]Every story needs a hero, and Jim was the hero of The Office. The first three seasons focused on his crush on future wife Pam, and throughout, he was the character the audience was meant to cheer for. In later seasons he is the focal point of the shows more emotional and ‘real’ arcs, such as his wedding and Pam’s pregnancy. When he’s not pulling mean-spirited pranks on Dwight, he is the most level-headed, real character and helps Michael in times of need, such as when he helps Michael practice firing an employee, and he has the most emotional moment when Michael leaves the show.

Right now, Jeff Gorton is the Rangers’ hero. His focused, measured approach to the trade deadline, draft, and overall team leadership is critical in this time of need. Audiences everywhere cheered for Jim to finally get the girl, and if there is anyone Rangers fans should be cheering for in this transitional period, it is Jeff Gorton.[/text_output][image type=”thumbnail” float=”none” src=”2792″ alt=”” href=”” title=”” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”aligncenter” style=””][custom_headline type=”left” level=”h5″ looks_like=”h5″ accent=”true” id=”” class=”” style=””]Dwight K. Schrute: Alain Vigneault[/custom_headline][text_output]Dwight knows more than you. Whether it’s about beet farming, selling paper, or bears, Dwight is smarter than you, and your views are, quite frankly, ridiculous. Also, good luck changing his mind. This sounds just a little bit like the Rangers much maligned former coach, does it not? Dwight would do his own thing, whether or not it made sense, and good luck stopping him.

Is there really a difference between starting a fire in the office and locking everyone in, and putting Dan Girardi on the top pairing? But despite their flaws, both have enjoyed a record of success. Dwight is a perennial favorite for the top salesman in the company, and AV is top ten all-time in head coach wins. They also have a habit of self-sabotage. Dwight lost an opportunity for his dream job when he fired a gun at work in season 7, much like AV lost an opportunity for the Stanley Cup when his Vancouver team fell apart in 2011, and his Rangers team went full turtle mode in 2014.[/text_output][image type=”thumbnail” float=”none” src=”2793″ alt=”” href=”” title=”” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”aligncenter” style=””][custom_headline type=”left” level=”h5″ looks_like=”h5″ accent=”true” id=”” class=”” style=””]Pam Beasly/Halpert: Henrik Lundqvist[/custom_headline][text_output]In the early seasons, Pam is frequently referred to as eye candy. If you need to know why, just look at images of actress Jenna Fischer from Blades of Glory. This results in constant unwanted comments from Michael. Similarly, Henrik is a gorgeous specimen of a man. Also, as receptionist, Pam is the first and last line of defense for any visitors entering the office.

Playing behind the Rangers defense of the last few years, Henrik is often the first, last, and only line of defense to the Rangers net. Even so, neither complain when faced with relentless sexual harassment, or 50 shots a night. They just show up, do their job as well as possible, and make the entire workplace better by doing it.[/text_output][image type=”thumbnail” float=”none” src=”2794″ alt=”” href=”” title=”” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”aligncenter” style=””][custom_headline type=”left” level=”h5″ looks_like=”h5″ accent=”true” id=”” class=”” style=””]Andy Bernard: Mika Zibanejad [/custom_headline][text_output]While far from a muse, Andy is a bit of a musical renaissance man. He sings, plays guitar, and can even act. In fact, the rendition of ABBA’s “Take a Chance On Me” that he uses to ask out Angela is pretty damn impressive.

Similarly, Mika is a DJ. Electronic music has never been my jam, but his single “Forever” is really good, melodic club music. Musical stylings aside, Andy was tapped to be the branch manager for season 8, after Michael leaves, DeAngelo Vickers is disfigured, Dwight shoots a gun at work, and Robert California decides to be the CEO instead. Mika is seen as the team’s top Center after Derek Stepan, Derrick Brassard, Brad Richards, and every other 1C since Mark Messier failed to win the cup. Let’s hope Mika doesn’t follow Andy’s lead and spend a few months on a boat trip with no notice.[/text_output][image type=”thumbnail” float=”none” src=”2795″ alt=”” href=”” title=”” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”aligncenter” style=””][custom_headline type=”left” level=”h5″ looks_like=”h5″ accent=”true” id=”” class=”” style=””]Kevin Malone: Kevin Hayes[/custom_headline][text_output]Kevin is known as the office oaf. Big, fat, dumb, and always eating, Kevin Malone is notorious for his laziness. Kevin Hayes garnered a reputation for being lazy during his sophomore season in New York, when it was reported that he had gained weight and spent more time partying than practicing. However, while Kevin Malone’s incompetence as an accountant ultimately led to him being fired in the series finale and getting a job as a bartender, Kevin Hayes has shaken the lazy moniker, and blossomed as a bonafide shutdown center with plenty of offensive skill. It is believed that there is another level for Hayes if he gets time on the power play, and should be a major part of the team moving forward. However, I do wish he could change his number to “Klevin.”[/text_output][image type=”thumbnail” float=”none” src=”2796″ alt=”” href=”” title=”” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”aligncenter” style=””][custom_headline type=”left” level=”h5″ looks_like=”h5″ accent=”true” id=”” class=”” style=””]Angela Martin/Schrute: Mats Zuccarello[/custom_headline][text_output]Standing only 5 foot 7 inches, Zucc has become known as the Hobbit among Rangers fans. While Angela’s height isn’t explicitly stated on the show, she does shop for all of her clothes in the kids section, since that’s all that fits. Zucc is a favorite of everyone in the Rangers organization, but Alain Vigneault especially had an affinity for the Hobbit, mirroring the secret romance between Dwight and Angela. As long as AV doesn’t put Zucc’s cat in the freezer, the two are sure to remain on good terms, whether or not there is a new coach in town.[/text_output][image type=”thumbnail” float=”none” src=”2797″ alt=”” href=”” title=”” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”aligncenter” style=””][custom_headline type=”left” level=”h5″ looks_like=”h5″ accent=”true” id=”” class=”” style=””]Oscar Martinez: Kevin Shattenkirk[/custom_headline][text_output]With years of experience, Shatty is one of the most gifted offensive defenders in the league. Meanwhile, Oscar is a brilliant accountant with dreams of entering the political arena. Oscar was outed as gay in season 2, which prompted many gay jokes over the years, which Oscar tolerated more than maybe he should have. After signing as a free agent in 2017, Shattenkirk was promised a role alongside Ryan McDonagh, one that lasted 4 periods before he was dropped to the third pairing and his performance was publicly called out by a coach who knew that he was playing injured. Shattenkirk also tolerated this better than many people would have, and he is surely eager to take another crack at things under David Quinn.[/text_output][image type=”thumbnail” float=”none” src=”2798″ alt=”” href=”” title=”” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”aligncenter” style=””][custom_headline type=”left” level=”h5″ looks_like=”h5″ accent=”true” id=”” class=”” style=””]Meredith Palmer: Chris Kreider[/custom_headline][text_output]Meredith is a bit… loose. She makes many sexual advances on basically every male cast member at various points in the series. For some reason, Kreider strikes me as a ladies’ man. Meredith is an alcoholic and hoarder with terrible hygiene, so the comparison ends there, but I’m sure that Kreids has been forced to do the walk of shame more than once in his life.[/text_output][image type=”thumbnail” float=”none” src=”2800″ alt=”” href=”” title=”” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”aligncenter” style=””][custom_headline type=”left” level=”h5″ looks_like=”h5″ accent=”true” id=”” class=”” style=””]Creed Bratton: Pavel Buchnevich[/custom_headline][text_output]Creed is the off-the-wall, totally delusional, comic relief of the show. He only appears in small doses, but fans of the show always clamor for just a few more Creed Thoughts. Pavel is a bit of a character off the ice, training hard with his fidget spinner on his nose, and generally being the team’s weirdo. I know I would pay money to see Buch do some of Creed’s bits, particularly the ‘boboddy’ sketch. Often he finds himself in fourth line roles, despite his production when higher in the lineup. Rangers fans often desire to see more of Buch, which we hopefully will in the future.[/text_output][image type=”thumbnail” float=”none” src=”2801″ alt=”” href=”” title=”” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”aligncenter” style=””][custom_headline type=”left” level=”h5″ looks_like=”h5″ accent=”true” id=”” class=”” style=””]Darryl Philbin: Brady Skjei[/custom_headline][text_output]Skjei is seen as one of the Rangers most important core pieces for the future. Though he doesn’t get the same national recognition as other young defenseman, such as Seth Jones or Mikhail Sergachev, Skjei is a legit core piece for the Rangers amid this rebuild, and made many impressive in the playoffs last year, only to be rewarded with less playing time. Darryl was a bit character before joining the main cast around season 5. When he was finally given the opportunity, he gives us such classic moments as “Pippity Poppity, give me the Zoppity” and other hits. Darryl shines whenever given a chance, and Skjei is no different.[/text_output][image type=”thumbnail” float=”none” src=”2802″ alt=”” href=”” title=”” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”aligncenter” style=””][custom_headline type=”left” level=”h5″ looks_like=”h5″ accent=”true” id=”” class=”” style=””]Stanley Hudson: Ryan McDonagh[/custom_headline][text_output]Men of few words, and no, they did not stutter. Stanley is salty but stoic, loves crossword puzzles, but is a fantastic salesman. Former Captain McDonagh is low profile, leads by example, and generally stays as bland as possible, despite being a premier shutdown defender. However, this low profile attitude ultimately works against our heroes.

After many years of service, Stanley retired in the series finale, and very few tears were shed. At this year’s trade deadline, McDonagh was traded for future assets amid reports that management wanted a more ‘engaged’ captain. Ironically, both now reside in the swamps of Florida; Though McDonagh’s feelings on pretzel day are unknown at this time.[/text_output][image type=”thumbnail” float=”none” src=”2803″ alt=”” href=”” title=”” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”aligncenter” style=””][custom_headline type=”left” level=”h5″ looks_like=”h5″ accent=”true” id=”” class=”” style=””]Phyllis Lapham/Vance: Rick Nash[/custom_headline][text_output]Like Phyllis, Rick Nash has been around the block several times. They are both experienced veterans of their trade, and along with Stanley/McDonagh, make up the old guard of their respective teams. Both talented at their craft, Phyllis has great sales numbers, and Nash was once the first overall pick of the NHL draft. However, despite their ability, both are prone to frustrating performances. Any time Phyllis let Angela, Michael and just about anyone else walk all over her, a part of me died inside, just like every time Nash didn’t even take a shot on a breakaway.[/text_output][image type=”thumbnail” float=”none” src=”2804″ alt=”” href=”” title=”” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”aligncenter” style=””][custom_headline type=”left” level=”h5″ looks_like=”h5″ accent=”true” id=”” class=”” style=””]Ryan Howard: Tony DeAngelo[/custom_headline][text_output]Talented, underachieving, sketchy, and unpopular, Ryan and Tony D have burned many bridges in their time. Ryan uses his business acumen to aggressively climb the ladder to an executive position with Dunder Mifflin. Once there, he burns bridges, develops a cocaine habit, and becomes involved in a business fraud scandal. DeAngelo’s talents as a modern defenseman earned him a first round selection by Tampa Bay in 2014, and he proceeded to be suspended multiple times for his behavior on and off the ice, traded twice, and be stuck in limbo between the NHL and minor leagues.

Their abilities are undeniable, but both have been mostly disappointments in their time in the big leagues. There remains hope for DeAngelo, who had his share of bright moments in his return the the Rangers last year. But if he doesn’t improve, he may end up working from a supply closet, just like Ryan.[/text_output][image type=”thumbnail” float=”none” src=”2805″ alt=”” href=”” title=”” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”aligncenter” style=””][custom_headline type=”left” level=”h5″ looks_like=”h5″ accent=”true” id=”” class=”” style=””]Kelly Kapoor: Lindy Ruff[/custom_headline][text_output]Honestly, what does Kelly actually do for Dunder Mifflin? I think she’s customer relations, but she spends all her time fooling around with Ryan and worrying about what her favorite celebrities are up to, rather than actually doing her job. Likewise, Lindy Ruff joined the Rangers to coach the defense. Anyone watching the Rangers defense last season could seriously wonder if there was a defensive coach at all.

The Rangers went full Chinese Fire Drill on the regular last season, and I’m sure plenty of customers had their phone calls go unanswered while Kelly was scrolling through the Kardashian’s twitter. Also try not to envision Ruff and DeAngelo hooking up in the closet.[/text_output][image type=”thumbnail” float=”none” src=”2806″ alt=”” href=”” title=”” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”aligncenter” style=””][custom_headline type=”left” level=”h5″ looks_like=”h5″ accent=”true” id=”” class=”” style=””]Toby Flenderson: Marc Staal[/custom_headline][text_output]Toby and Marc Staal, both tall, gangly, slackjawed gingers, have fallen so far from grace. Once important members of their respective organizations, their careers have been derailed by apathy and injuries, respectively. Marc Staal was once a stalwart defender on the Rangers blueline, until head injuries and the game becoming faster caused him to be one of the Rangers most frustrating players.

Toby was once a diligent working member of the Office as the HR representative. After years of verbal abuse from whoever was managing, Toby reached the point of writing detective novels on the clock and once stated “I can’t do anything, HR is a joke.” With his history of head injuries, hopefully Staal will never break his neck in Costa Rica.[/text_output][image type=”thumbnail” float=”none” src=”2807″ alt=”” href=”” title=”” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”aligncenter” style=””][custom_headline type=”left” level=”h5″ looks_like=”h5″ accent=”true” id=”” class=”” style=””]Erin Hannon: Igor Shestyorkin[/custom_headline][text_output]For years, Pam (Lundqvist) defended the office from visitors (enemy pucks.) After her move to sales, she was replaced by Erin, the quirky, foster child who, despite her oddities, was very effective at her job. Igor was drafted by the Rangers in 2014, and his impressive performances in Russia have him pegged as the heir to the King’s throne.[/text_output][image type=”thumbnail” float=”none” src=”2808″ alt=”” href=”” title=”” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”aligncenter” style=””][text_output]As said, this sort of thing cannot have a single true answer. Surely there will be heated debates on the validity of this list on MSG in the coming days, and I expect Sportsnet to do a feature on each team’s The Office cast. But the one thing I know is that the finale of Henrik Lundqvist’s career will bring a tear to my eye, just like when I watched the finale of The Office, way back when.[/text_output]

Author: Lee Borden

Lee will never know true happiness until the Rangers win the Stanley Cup. He will never find peace until the Jets win the Super Bowl. And he will never sleep soundly until Jonathan Quick and Tom Brady stop haunting his dreams.