5 Movies I Would Rather Watch 100 Times than Marc Staal Play Defense

[text_output]For some strange reason I find myself consuming two types of media recently. The first is a ton of truly awful movies. Films you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemies, the kind of movie which makes you ponder to yourself “huh, this does oddly feel like I’m watching a certain defenseman on a particular hockey team I follow.” The second type of media is of course watching my beloved New York Rangers, who at the time of this article are off to a very poor start to the season. What do these two types of media have in common? Don’t fret, I’ll feed you baby bird.[/text_output][custom_headline type=”left” level=”h3″ looks_like=”h4″ id=”” class=”” style=””]1. Catwoman (Rotten Tomato Score: 9%)[/custom_headline][image type=”none” float=”none” src=”627″ alt=”” href=”” title=”” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”” style=”width: 200px; display:block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;”][text_output]How I came to see this film: I was on the hunt for tacos in Astoria, got desperate and sat down at the first restaurant I saw. The place had one giant TV and for some reason I could not figure out what movie I was watching. Yeah sure it has Halle Berry but it felt and looked like a lifetime movie where she was slowly becoming a cat lady.

Until this scene came on.[/text_output][x_video_embed id=”” class=”” style=””][/x_video_embed][text_output]From that point, I couldn’t look away, who made these dialogue choices? Why won’t the camera stop moving? Did she just dunk on him and mount him in front of children? What on earth is happening.

What this movie and Marc Staal have in common: Watching this movie and watching Marc Staal bring me to similar conclusions. I know what I’m watching is unquestionably bad, both are making such strange choices and yet, I can’t look away.

[/text_output][custom_headline type=”left” level=”h3″ looks_like=”h4″ id=”” class=”” style=””]2. Batman vs Superman (Rotten Tomato Score: 27%)[/custom_headline][image type=”none” float=”none” src=”626″ alt=”” href=”” title=”” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”” style=”width: 200px; display:block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;”][text_output]How I came to see this film: I watched the trailer and I saw the entire film in under three minutes. A few months after it came out a close friend of mine told me that (SPOILER) Superman and Batman make amends because Superman says the name of Batman’s mom. That can’t be real right? Wrong.[/text_output][x_video_embed id=”” class=”” style=””][/x_video_embed][text_output]What this movie and Marc Staal have in common: I don’t need to watch more than 3 minutes of it to know it’s going to suck

[/text_output][custom_headline type=”left” level=”h3″ looks_like=”h4″ id=”” class=”” style=””]3. The Roommate (Rotten Tomato Score: 4%)[/custom_headline][image type=”none” float=”none” src=”630″ alt=”” href=”” title=”” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”” style=”width: 200px; display:block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;”][text_output]How I came to see this film: During my Euro trip before the season started, a few friends of mine and I decided to watch some very questionable movies. The Roommate is a movie that badly portrays mental health issues, immediately shows how unstable “the roommate” is and has almost no drama or thrills what so ever. Needless to say I watched the whole thing.

What this movie and Marc Staal have in common: The roommate is marketed as a thriller with twists and turns at ever corner, it does none of that. Marc Staal is being played as a first pairing defenseman, he is not a first pairing defenseman.

[/text_output][custom_headline type=”left” level=”h3″ looks_like=”h4″ id=”” class=”” style=””]4. Homeward Bound II (Rotten Tomato Score: 53%)[/custom_headline][image type=”none” float=”none” src=”629″ alt=”” href=”” title=”” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”” style=”width: 200px; display:block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;”][text_output]How I came to see this film: Somehow, one of the other movies my friends and I watched in Europe was Homeward Bound: The incredible journey. Did I cry after watching the first one? Maybe. Upon returning to the states I figured I was so invested in the first movie that I might as well watch the second, that was a mistake. They replace the golden retriever shadow (WHO WAS ALREADY AN OLD DOG IN THE FIRST MOVIE) and change his voice actor. Also, how do you let these pets you loved so dearly in the first movie escape again? If you don’t think there is a Blueshirts Breakaway Homeward Bound podcast deep dive coming, you are sorely mistaken.

What this movie and Marc Staal have in common: The original homeward bound is a wonderful wholesome movie which does the job of providing quality entertainment. Homeward Bound II was unnecessary, a cash grab and tasteless. Marc Staal was previously a wonderful and wholesome defender who did his job and provided quality defense for a contending Rangers team. Marc Staal now is a burden of a contract who is getting first pairing minutes when he shouldn’t be playing.[/text_output][custom_headline type=”left” level=”h3″ looks_like=”h4″ id=”” class=”” style=””]5. The Room (Rotten Tomato Score: How in God’s name did this movie get made?)[/custom_headline][image type=”none” float=”none” src=”628″ alt=”” href=”” title=”” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”” style=”width: 200px; display:block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;”][text_output]How I came to see this film: This was a film I waited a long time to see. It’s actually pretty tough to call it a film but with James Franco’s “Disaster Artist” (link below) based on the production of “The Room” getting Oscar buzz, it was a must watch. The film opens up with at least 4 consecutive drawn out and extremely awkward sex scenes. Almost none of the dialogue makes any sense, every character is a catastrophe and yet the movie still got made.

I beg of you, if you have the time, please watch the videos below, it’s truly incredible this movie exists.

What this movie and Marc Staal have in common: Marc Staal’s shifts are drawn out, extremely awkward, make you question who made this decision, it’s a catastrophe and somehow has to explain to me how this was allowed to happen.[/text_output][x_video_embed id=”” class=”” style=””][/x_video_embed][x_video_embed id=”” class=”” style=””][/x_video_embed][text_output]Oh hi Marc! Call me when you’re riding the pine.

I’ll be on my 42nd viewing of The Room.[/text_output]