Nevermind About Staying Calm

[text_output]Hey, it’s me.

The guy that told everyone to stay f***ing calm.

Well, another two losses in the books and I wanted to drop in and give an update.  My last plan was to trade for a forward.  What’s my new plan?  Burn it, burn it all.  It’s done.  God damn it.  I don’t have the keys to turning around this dumpster fire of a season.  Neither does Greg, nor Ryan, nor Drew.  AV might, but he probably lost them on the bench.  So, let’s start thinking about the best ways to ride out the rest of this season.

1)      Tank mode engaged – Let’s get to the point where Sabres fans were in the year preceding the McDavid/Eichel draft, which is to say actively rooting for the opposition.  Sell off Nash, Grabner, Holden, Staal (lol), Desharnais, and anyone else that won’t be a big part of the team next year.

[/text_output][x_video_embed id=”” class=”” style=””] [/x_video_embed][text_output]2)      Start swooning over Dhalin – Oh man. This kid will be on the blueline of the blueshirts for the better part of the next two decades.[/text_output][x_video_embed id=”” class=”” style=””][/x_video_embed][text_output]3)      Trade for Taylor Hall – Remember, Hall’s team is the one that wins the draft lottery.  What will the devils need to part with the Midas touch?  On the one hand, they’ll need him for the deep playoff run they’ll inevitably go on after this start.  On the other, they won’t even be in the lottery, so he’ll be much more valuable to us.  Two non-2018 firsts and Buch.

4)      Learn to rig the lottery – Unfortunately, there’s no more easy answer a la frozen envelopes.  That’s why we need to get creative.  Who knows where we can get some weighted bingo balls?  Maybe an Ocean’s 11 style blackout?  I’m open to suggestions.  The plans that require Ryan to be in drag for some reason will get extra points.

5)      Get a hobby – Start going to the gym at 7:00pm, sign up for a cooking class, join a book club.  Anything to distract you, really.

 

Sorry for the overt pessimism.  I’m also a Giants and Mets fan.  It’s all going belly up real fast.

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• Guest Writer: Dan Larose
• Twitter: @dlo6215

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